Fluffy's Diary
by FannyT
Summary: The title pretty much says it all... The tale of Sesshoumaru's life from his own point of view. Disclaimer: I don't own Sesshoumaru, in case you didn't know.
1. Chapter One

Day one: 

Daddy gave me this diary. Also gave me a sword. Told me to start practicing pronto, but I don't feel like it. Like writing in diary much better. I will prove to him that the pen is mightier than the sword!

Day Three: 

Have been chopping servants' heads off all day when they did not do as I want. Changed my mind, the sword is mightier than the pen after all.

Day Four:

Inu-yasha annoying the shit out of me. "Sesshoumaru, I wanna play" "Sesshoumaru, give me a piggyback ride" "Sesshoumaru, turn into a giant dog for me"

The brat just doesn't appreciate the great deal of work that goes into becoming a dog. I can console myself with the fact that he will never have more than those stupid ears of his, ha ha!

Day Five:

Daddy gave me a toad today. Apparently it will be my servant and stay with me for ever and ever and ever. Can't say I'm terribly excited about it. 

Daddy told me it was very old and wise. I told Daddy I did not care how old and wise it was as it still looked like a sack of knobbly potatoes painted green.

I don't think the toad likes me very much.

Day Six:

I just can't stand Daddy's new mate because: 

1. She's human

2. She makes me wear woolly stockings whenever I go out to Kill and Destroy because she says otherwise I will get a cold and have to stay home. Begone, foul woman! I am a demon and I do not get colds. 

Day Eight:

Home with a cold.

Day Nine:

Found out about Daddy's will today. Inu-yasha will get a sword which can cut through anything. I will get a sword that can heal anything. Am feeling pissed off. Tried to plot dreadful revenge but it was hard with Bloody Annoying Little Squirt No: 1 jumping around me shouting "I get the better sword! I get the better sword!"

Day Ten:

Killed and Destroyed quite successfully today. 

Day Eleven:

And today.

Day Twelve:

And today.

Day Thirteen:

This is boring. I don't want to write in my diary anymore.

_…Many many years later…_

Day One, again:

Found my old diary today. Actually, Jaken found it for me and traded it for ugly old staff of heads. Was quite happy to let him have staff, as it is very tasteless. He has been playing with it ever since, making the girl scream and the old man say "I am a parrot". Starting to give me a headache. 

Day Two:

Ho, ho, still looking for Daddy's grave. Have looked through half the country and can still not find it. The only clue I have is a riddle: _"A place one can see, yet cannot be seen… A place it's own guardian can never look upon."_

Curse Daddy and his fondness for riddles. I've still not worked out the one about why the chicken crossed the road.

Day Four:

Found out that Inu-yasha is still alive today. Thought he was killed fifty years ago by jealous girlfriend, but was apparently wrong. Was pleased to hear this piece of good news, as he owes me money. 

Day Six:

Inu-yasha has found new girlfriend! Human, again. Bet she makes him wear woolly stockings too. 

Day Seven:

Found grave, but got my arm chopped off by Inu-yasha. Little brother getting most annoying. He claimed he was angry at me for trying to kill his girlfriend, but I know it was just a cheap trick to avoid having to pay me back.

Want to _kill_ Inu-yasha's girlfriend. Am terribly jealous of her skirt. 

Oh, and Inu-yasha finally got his stupid sword. With the help of his girlfriend (another reason to hate her guts). It's not fair, I want that sword. Think I will sulk for a few days. 

Day Thirty-nine:

Attached new arm, a human one this time. Guy called Naraku sold it to me, along with free Shikon shard attachment. Said it will help me to penetrate the Tetsusaiga's shield and make me able to wield it, thus making me the strongest and most powerful demon in the world. 

Whatever. Arm is ugly anyway. Had to accept it because the body parts store is short on arms right now, but my own nails are much prettier. Which reminds me, have to make new appointment with manicurist.

Day Forty:

Human arm experiment no success. That bastard Naraku sold me a cheap arm.  Not only did I fail to take Tetsusaiga from Inu-yasha, but the arm also tried to eat me. Note to self: never strike up deals with mysterious men in baboon pelts. 

On the other hand, came up with a few snappy/dramatic comments, so on the whole not a bad day. 

Day Sixty-seven:

Sent Jaken along to Toto-sai today, to check up on sword. It's boring without him. I have no one to shout at. Am thinking about going to the nearest village for a bit of Bloody Massacre since it is a while since I last did that. Should really revise the moves a little. 

Day Sixty-eight:

Jaken returned and told me that Toto-sai had fled. Am forsaking the Bloody Massacre idea to go after him and claim a Dark and Sinister Revenge instead. 

Day Sixty-nine:

Toto-sai hiding behind Inu-yasha. Inu-yasha taking this as an opportunity to do fancy moves with his sword and show off before his girlfriend. Pisses me off – that's my sword to show off with, not his! Can do much fancier moves myself anyway. 

Toto-sai talked a lot about Tenseiga. Stupid sword of no use. Tried cutting Jaken in half today but he survived. Damn. 

Unfortunately Toto-sai is biased and fights on the same side as Inu-yasha. That's two against one, no fair. Will console myself with a Bloody Massacre tonight. 

Day Seventy:

Whole new range of arms just in at the body parts store! Chose a dragon arm because it was sparkly. Also, had a very nice Bloody Massacre last night. Good to know I haven't lost it.

Will go and force Toto-sai make me a new sword. 

Day Seventy-one:

Was going to make Toto-sai finish the sword for me, but got held up bickering with Inu-yasha, again. He said mean things about my new arm. Also said the colour didn't match my eyes. Got so upset I decided to kill him, but unfortunately he killed me first. 

Well, almost killed me.

Day Seventy-two:

My throat hurts.

Day Seventy-three:

My leg hurts.

Day Seventy-four:

My arm hurts.

Day Seventy-five:

Everything about me hurts! *whine*

Day Seventy-six:

Little human girl came and tried to save my life. Overturned a can of water over my head, although I am not sure how she thought that would help. In addition to cuts and bruises I am now soaking.

Stupid humans.

Day Seventy-seven:

Little stupid human girl gave me food, which I could not eat. Ticks me off. 

Day Seventy-eight:

Little human girl gave me food _again, although I told her last time I can not eat it. Humans quite unbelievably stupid. She had also gone and gotten herself beaten up. Girl is also mute. In other words, the girl is about as useful as Jaken. _

That is, useless. 

_Later same day: Girl killed by wolves. For some unexplainable reason I then saved her life with my sword. Have now got two useless servants and a useless sword. _

Am starting to feel quite stupid myself. 


	2. Chapter Two

And here at last is the long overdue, _eagerly_ awaited chapter two of Fluffy's diary!

Alright, merely awaited then.

…Sorry for taking such a long time to update this. There is a very simple explanation: I hadn't read further in the series when I wrote chapter one. But now I have read up to book twenty and has thus been able to add a bit more to the story! Hope you like it…

…………………………………………

Day Eighty:

Little human girl now not only alive, but can also speak again! Not always grammatically correct, truth to be told, but still. Apparently Tenseiga restored speech at the same time as life.

My sword is _so_ cool.

Day Eighty-one:

Found out little human girl's name. (It was not particularly hard since she says it in practically every sentence.) Little human girl is called Rin. Human names hopelessly boring and tasteless.

She has certainly learnt to speak remarkably well. Well… remarkably _much_, anyway.

Day Eighty-two:

Gods, why couldn't she just have stayed mute?

Day Ninety-six:

Oh, what a klutz my little brother is. He's gone and let some ogre nibble at Tetsusaiga, and Tetsusaiga is now broken. And I mean that's MY sword! MY sword is broken! Bet he did it only to spite me. Malicious bastard. And what's worse is, to top it all off nicely he seems to have gone and turned full demon, as well. He really goes out of his way to piss me off!

Got all this information second hand on the wind though. It might not be true after all. Not that my astonishingly impressive nose has ever failed me before, but still… you should never believe gossip. If only I'd known that a couple of years ago – then I wouldn't have killed that guy who turned out _not_ to have called me prissy after all. Unusually messy death, and I mean it was my best kimono I ruined. I still mourn it.

Will send Rin and Jaken out to check up on possible truth in the matter. I _love_ having servants.

Day Ninety-seven:

Yuck, yuck, yuck. Disgusting ogre parts all over the place. And it seems that Tetsusaiga was broken, just like I guessed. Ogre's teeth full of Tetsusaiga-smell.

Ooh, just had a great idea! If I get someone to make a sword from the ogre's teeth, the sword will be stronger than Tetsusaiga! I'm so clever! Will go find a sword smith.

Rin is screaming about ogre's head being dead and bloody and scary. Stupid brat. Wish she had a mute button.

_Later:_ Ew, she was right. It _is_ bloody. Damn! Another kimono ruined.

Day Ninety-eight:

Jaken's been walking around with long-suffering expression for a couple of days now. I think it's because Rin is annoying him to no extent.

Hey, there's a reason to keep the brat.

In other news, have set a guy called Kaijiin-Bo to making me a sword. He has an absolutely appalling dress sense, but is apparently good at making swords. Only trouble is, I don't know how to pay for it – that dragon arm I splurged on recently cut a big chunk out of the budget. Hope he gives credit.

Day One hundred:

Sent Jaken off to Kaijin-Bo to fetch my sword. He didn't return, so I went to check. Arrived at Kaijin-Bo's to find Jaken cut in half.

Probably Kaijin-Bo's way of saying he doesn't give credit.

Day One hundred and one:

Note to self: do not employ sword smiths who have a tendency to become possessed by their swords. Kaijin-Bo was invaded by evil ogre's dead spirit – pretty amateurish if you ask me! – and tried to kill Inu-yasha, which ticks me off big time. That's supposed to be my job!

Kaijin-Bo was a stubborn bastard though, I'll give him that. (Or at least I _would_ give him that, if it wasn't for the fact that he's now dead. Hey, does that mean I don't have to pay?) Even when he was fighting with his head split open it took ages for Inu-yasha and friends to finish him off. - Of course, that could also be because they are completely incompetent. Anyway, while they were standing around and looking at the sword as if it was some fatal instrument of The Evil Ones (Oh wait – it is, isn't it? That explains it) I made my dramatic entrance and took it. Suck on that, losers! Fought a bit with Inu-yasha as well. My sword is cooler than his now, hah, hah!

Was right about him though. Not good. Little bro' can now turn into both a human and a full demon. Unfair! Can't help but feel I got the bad part of the deal. Maybe I should have been a half demon after all.

Day One hundred and two:

Woman called Kagura came to see me today. Thought she wanted to ask me to date, but no such luck. (Am refusing to sulk. I'm prettier than her anyway.) She wanted me to kill Naraku. Well, duh! He's the guy who sold me a second-rate arm. That's simply begging for a Dark and Sinister Revenge.

But not today. Have appointment with hairdresser – having flowers plaited inexpertly into my fringe does not promote cool-and-sinister-demon-lord look. Damn you, Rin.

Day One hundred and six:

Rin annoying me to my wits' end. "Sesshoumaru-sama, I wanna play" "Sesshoumaru-sama, I want a piggyback ride" "Sesshoumaru-sama, turn into a giant dog for me"

The brat just doesn't appreciate the great deal of work that goes into becoming a dog. I can console myself with the fact that –

Strange. I just had the weirdest feeling of déjà-vu.

Day One hundred and eight:

Went to see an old friend of daddy's, Bokusen'ou, today. Gods, he's gotten old. I'm sure he has Alzheimer's. He kept asking how someone called "Baby Fluffy" was feeling – as if I'd know. When I asked him for some information about Tetsusaiga he winked at me and said "One wonders…"

Then he offered me a piggyback ride.

Then he fell asleep.

That was all I got from him today.

Day One hundred and nine:

Bokusen'ou keeps pulling corny jokes and stupid riddles. (The one about tomatoes wasn't even funny.) Well, at least I can see why daddy liked him. Curse those riddles.

Day One hundred and ten:

Today I finally got something other than puns out of Bokusen'ou. He said Inu-yasha is turning into a monster.

Tell me something new. That kid has _always_ been a little monster.

Day One hundred and eleven:

Fought a little with Inu-yasha today. He was full demon and crazy, but it was still fun to smash him about for a bit. He looks really funny when he's demon: his eyes go all unfocused and his teeth seem to be trying to jump out of his mouth. I can understand them – if I were his teeth I'd take every chance at liberty.

Oh, but it's so easy to kill him when he's like that. I get bored.

Think I'll go off and have a Bloody Massacre.

_Later:_ Or maybe not. Got stuck reading Cinderella for what feels like the hundredth time – brat won't sleep until she hears it. Maybe I ought to hire a baby-sitter. Could take care of both Rin and Jaken in one go.

Hey, that's a really great idea! Will advertise in the Demon's Daily promptly.

Day One hundred and fourteen:

Baby-sitter advertisement turned out two humans, both with a hint of woolly sockiness about them – turned those away immediately. Am afraid daddy's second mate and her obsession with socks has left me with lasting trauma. Advertisement also turned out a guy in drag. Said something about how good he is with spanking. Am not sure about him, but will hire him on probation.

He has a _really_ strange sword. Am a little bit afraid it might be cooler than mine, but maybe I'm just paranoid. That sword's not going near Rin, anyway. There's no knowing what she might do with it.

Day One hundred and sixteen:

New baby-sitter told me I look like Inu-yasha today. I cut his pay.

Think he has an eye problem. (Or maybe tics?) He keeps blinking and fluttering his eyelashes. Ew, I hate eye problems – they're icky.

Day One hundred and nineteen:

Fired the fairy. Caught him pilfering my eye shadow. Plus, he wouldn't stop talking about Inu-yasha, which became a bit annoying after a while. Maybe Inu-yasha owes _him_ money, too? Stupid half-demon's always had lousy economic sense, borrowing money all over the place. He's stingy, too. Borrowed money from me once and then got me to pay it back with ten percent's interest which is an outrageous rate.

……

…wait a minute.

HALF-BREED SCUM WILL DIE!

…………………………………

…and there it is! Thank you to everyone who wrote and reviewed on the last chapter. Hope this met your expectations :P

Ciao!


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